“I can’t, I can’t, I can’t!” my four year old repeated getting more and more upset. I had just said something about her first day of school, which was the following morning. I tried to reassure her, saying that I knew she was nervous, and that she’d be OK.

“Mummy I can’t, I can’t, I can’t!” she cried again. Blind panic shivered over me as I realised my usual tactics weren’t working. My general positive narrative and reassurances were not enough this time. I needed to do something different. How could I change the words in her head?

Rewriting the Dialogue

Holding her close we took a few calming breaths together, these were as much for my benefit as hers. Then, gently testing the words, I said “you can do it, you can. You are brave and you can do it because you are amazing”. This seemed to calm her a little and she let me cuddle her closer. 

Several times that day we repeated together “I can do it, I am brave, I am amazing!” and to make it fun we had actions for each step (a superhero pose for the last one). She survived her first day of school and had a mostly positive time throughout Primary and is now in Secondary School.

Words Matter

As time went on we have used that family mantra whenever we’ve faced challenges. It wasn’t until years later, when I was anxious about something, that my daughter reminded me “Mum you can do it, you are brave, you are amazing”. In that moment I realised how established that positive internal narrative had become for her.

Why am I telling you this? Because you can never know what impact your words will have on others. So make them count, let them be kind words of love, support and encouragement. Words matter, and so do you.

Our family mantra has inspired a collection of greeting cards with the phrases “you can do it“, “you are brave” and “you are amazing“. If you’d like to take a closer look please visit my Etsy shop.